


An Unfortunate Series of Events

by carolej126, TeriH



Series: The Curse [1]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 13:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18621787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolej126/pseuds/carolej126, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeriH/pseuds/TeriH
Summary: Originally published in Magnificent Haunts #1 (Neon RainBow Press, 2010)Written by the Mod Squad (otherwise known as Brigitta, Carole, and Teri).Vin has a very bad day.





	An Unfortunate Series of Events

 

Part One 

 

The drums beat a rhythmic cadence and the moccasin clad feet kept time as the shaman whirled and twisted around the fire, the rattlesnake tail rattle in his hand keeping a counter beat.  As Vin watched in fascination the shaman dropped the rattle and it was transformed into a defensively coiled snake, rattling ominously.  The venomous serpent suddenly struck, the pointed fangs closing on the tracker’s throat . . .

 ~~~~~~~

Vin sat up suddenly, his head striking the wooden bow of the old Conestoga that he called home.  "Damn," the man muttered as he rubbed the sore spot on his forehead and checked for blood, blinking a few times to clear both his vision and his muddled brain. _Just a dream,_ Vin thought, his heart pounding in time to the beat of the imagined drum.

The sun shining through the rear opening of the wagon bore witness that he had seriously overslept and it was his day to ride patrol . . . hours ago.  The day was already sweltering and the confines of the wagon allowed for little breeze.  Vin slipped on his shirt and swiftly fastened the buttons.  Grabbing his pants he stood and slipped one leg into the garment.

Vin was preparing to step into the other pant leg when a voice rang out, “Mr. Tanner, are you there?”

Vin’s foot caught on the edge of the fabric causing him to lose his balance and tumble backwards out of the wagon, landing with a *thud* in the dusty road. 

Ezra looked down at the man lying at his feet.  “I do apologize, Mr. Tanner, I did not mean to startle you.” 

Jumping to his feet, Vin quickly pulled up his pants and fastened them.  “Just lost my balance.”   _Damn lucky I wasn’t holding my gun, I could have easily shot myself._  

Vin reached into the wagon for his moccasins and as he straightened a ripping sound was heard as his shirt caught on a rough board, tearing the material.  Looking at the gash in his shirt he stoically removed it and once again reached into the wagon to grab his blue shirt and slipped it on.  Then balancing on first one foot and then the other he pulled on his moccasins. 

“Mr. Tanner . . . Vin, there is no need to rush.  Mr. Larabee was considerate enough to take the dawn patrol when it was discovered that you were still locked in *Hypno’s spell.   It is his intention that you meet at Miss Nettie’s, something to do with repairing a roof, if I understood correctly.” 

Vin simply quirked an eyebrow in Ezra’s direction as he retrieved his Mare’s Leg from the wagon.  Adjusting the heavy gun belt around his slender hips he fastened the buckle and tied the pigging string around his thigh as he listened to the gambler prattle on. 

“. . . after relishing one of Mrs. Potter’s confectionary delights with my first cup of coffee, I thought it best to check on your health.  I also come bearing gifts . . . “ 

The aroma of the strong brew finally registered as Vin turned and accepted the offered cup.  “Thanks, Ez.” 

Vin raised the cup to his lips and sipped the steaming coffee as a look of pure bliss crossed his features. 

“Vin, look out!” Ezra yelled as a ball bounced past Vin followed by a lumbering black dog and two of the Potter children.  The man sidestepped thus avoiding being bowled over but as a result splattered coffee on the front of his shirt. 

Grabbing a bowl and filling it with water from a nearby barrel, Vin wondered, _What more can go wrong?_ Seeing his reflection in the water he had a pretty good idea.  Using the corner of a rag, Vin dabbed at the stain in frustration.  _Miss Nettie sees me looking this scruffy, she’ll give me what for._ He laid the towel aside and dampened his hair to help control the unruly curls.  Reaching for the soap he washed his face and then worked up a lather across his neck and chin.  Reaching for his knife he expertly started to shave the stubble away. 

“Ah hell!”  A thin line of blood trailed down Vin’s neck from the nick left by the blade. 

“Vin, are you . . .”

“I’s fine.”

Vin grabbed the towel and wiped the remaining lather off his face, then threw it into the wagon.  He dumped the water into the dirt at his feet, tied a bandana around his neck to stop the trickle of blood, then turned toward the livery, leaving Ezra staring in amazement at his retreating back.  _Hell, things can’t get much worse._

~~~~~

Ezra moved back to the boardwalk to join J.D. and Josiah in front of the sheriff’s office.

“That Vin I just saw storming by?” Josiah asked.

Ezra filled the two in on the mishaps that had befallen the tracker.  “Man’s usually steady as they come and he even cut himself shaving,” he said in wonder.”

"I think our brother is cursed," Josiah intoned solemnly.

“Perhaps I should accompany him to guarantee nothing else befall our comrade,” Ezra rationalized, as he moved to follow Vin to the livery. The sound of thunder could be heard in the distance as a slightly befuddled J.D. turned to Josiah.  “Vin shaves?!”

 

**Part Two**

 

The warmth of the sun and thought of Nettie’s home cooked lunch eased the tension between Vin’s shoulders and filled him with an inner glow.  Thoughts of his unfortunate morning faded.  The twenty minute ride to Nettie’s had been serene and without incident… apart from the bird.

Vin squinted at his sleeve and grimaced.  Nettie was a lady he respected and he was visiting with a coffee stain on his shirt and bird poo on his sleeve.  The inner warmth cooled.  It wasn’t that Nettie would fuss, but she would look at him in _that_ way – the same way his mother used to when she was _disappointed_. 

Vin’s chest heaved.   _Surely I’ve used up all my bad luck for the next year._  He sensed the approach of another.  Standing in the saddle, Vin peered over his shoulder and slowed Peso to wait for the rider. 

“Didn’t know you were comin’ out to help with the roof.”

Ezra smirked as he brought his cantering horse to a walk beside Vin. “The words ‘help’ and ‘roof’ never passed my lips.  However, every job needs a foreman and I am happy to offer my services in an executive capacity.” 

Vin snorted.  “Reckon this should be an interestin’ day then.” 

“Oh?” 

“I’m guessin’ you just said you’re gonna tell Chris and me how to repair the roof while you sit and watch.”  He smirked.  “Your will up to date, Ez?” 

Ezra winked.  “My horse gets everything I own.” 

“Mine too,” Vin laughed as the pair rode in.  Nettie greeted them with a nod.

“Ezra?” Chris asked curiously, striding from the barn.

“I heard Miss Wells had been baking,” Ezra claimed, dismounting.

Nettie’s attempt to look terse failed.  “Blueberry tart.”

Vin grinned.  “Blueberry.  I reckon…” 

Casey’s squeal of horror shattered the welcome.  The group raced around the side of the barn in time to see the girl’s brown mare jump the fence, Casey chasing it on foot. 

Vin snatched a coil of rope hanging on a post and swung it around his head.  In one smooth motion, he released and… 

~~~~~~

Chris grabbed the reins of the horse as it bolted past him.  The animal reared and then settled, Chris murmuring soothing words.  When he turned to check on the others, he burst out laughing.  Ezra and Nettie were trying to untangle Vin from his own rope.  “How the hell did you manage that?”

“A freak gust of wind caught the rope as Vin released.  It wrapped around him most inconveniently.”  To his credit, Ezra kept a straight face as he pulled the final loop free.

Vin exploded with curses.

“Vin!” Nettie cried.  “Swear jar.”

“Sorry, Ma’am.  It’s been one of those days.”

~~~~~~~ 

Vin placed two nails between his lips and knelt precariously on the edge of the barn roof.  The recent storm had blown down large sections and he’d volunteered his and Chris’ services.

Below, Ezra chatted casually with Nettie and Casey while Chris climbed the ladder with more wood.

Vin grumbled under his breath.  He’d hit his head, spilt coffee on himself, cut himself shaving, fallen out of his own wagon in his underwear, been shit on and he’d lassoed himself.  Surely nothing else could go wrong today!

Vin placed a nail, raised the hammer and slammed it down on his thumb. “Ohhh sh…”  The rest of the curse he swallowed as he shoved his throbbing thumb into his mouth.  There was another 10 cents he owed Nettie’s swear jar.

Chris’ head appeared over the verge of the roof.  “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Vin mumbled.

~~~~~~~

Chris suppressed a grin.  Ezra had been imparting Vin’s morning experiences in whispered tones each time Chris passed him to collect wood.

“You need more nails?”

“Yeah,” Vin responded, rising and stretching his back.  As he stepped to the left, his boot caught the edge of an uneven board.  He lurched sideways, his arms windmilling out of control.

“Vin!” Chris shouted as his friend stumbled backwards and with a startled cry, disappeared over the edge of the roof.  “VIN!” 

The wood Chris was carrying clattered to the roof forgotten as he dashed to the edge and peered over, expecting to see Vin’s crumpled form on the ground.  Instead, Vin was dangling upside down directly below him, his boot caught in the roof gutter -- his foot slowly sliding from the shoe. 

“Shittttt!” Vin yelled, swinging in the breeze by one leg.

Chris dived onto his chest, leaned over and clasped Vin’s calf just as his foot slid from the boot.  “Ezra!” Chris roared, attempting to strengthen his one-handed grasp as he anchored himself with the other. 

Vin started to slip.

Ezra appeared below.  Stretching his arms above his head, his fingers brushed Vin’s shoulders.  “I can’t reac…”

Vin slipped from Chris’ fist.

“No!”

Larabee’s eyes widened as Vin plunged… directly on top of Ezra!  The pair went down in a heap and lay still. 

“Mr. Tanner, remove yourself from my person!”

“Shut-up, Ezra.”

Chris started breathing again.  “Thank God.” 

As Vin and Ezra untangled themselves… with the assistance of a hysterical Nettie and Casey… Chris couldn’t help but laugh.  Ezra had broken Vin’s fall perfectly or more correctly, expertly. 

Moments later, Chris joined his companions on the ground.  Ezra looked bemused as he brushed himself off, but Vin wore an expression of thunder as Nettie fussed about him. “You two okay?”

“Yes!” Vin snapped, turning and limping toward the privacy of the outhouse.

Nettie hid a smile behind her hand.  “His pride is hurt.”

Vin disappeared into the small building and slammed the door, an explosion of curses echoing inside.

“He’s damn lucky it’s only his pride.  He could have fallen on his fool head.”

“Yes, indeed.  Instead, he fell on _me_!” Ezra lamented.  “I dare say, at this rate, he will not survive until…”

Vin’s high-pitched and terrified scream filled the air. 

“VIN?” 

Ezra and Chris shot toward the outhouse. 

“AGGGGGGGGGGHHH!”  The cry of agony was chilling. 

Time slowed -- Chris’ mind racing faster than his legs.  He’d seen Vin face poisonous snakes, spiders the size of cats, a killer bear, a stampede of horses and a dozen armed men with total calm.  He’d seen Nathan dig a bullet out of Vin’s shoulder without anesthetic and Vin had simply gritted his teeth.

“AAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!  The outhouse rocked violently as Vin fought with the enemy within.

“VIN!” 

Ezra and Chris bore down on the small building, revolvers drawn and hearts pounding.

As they reached it, the outhouse door swung open.

Ezra and Chris’ faces stripped of colour.  Fiercely they threw themselves into reverse, back-paddling like their lives depended on it. 

“SKUNK!”

 

**Part Three**

  
The scream came again, louder and more desperate than before.  
  
“AAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!  
  
Vin was only a man-shaped blur as he came flying outof the outhouse. Chris and Ezra took refuge at a safe distance from the small black and white animal, their guns aimed at the threat, while the tracker wedged himself behind a tree, the trunk barely big enough to hide the frantic man.  
  
As the three of them watched, wide-eyed, the skunk leisurely strolled out of the small building,apparently not affected by the screaming and yelling.  
  
  
“Land’s sakes,” Nettie scolded, “that’s just Prissy.”  
  
“Prissy?” Vin repeated, peering around the side of the tree for another moment before coming out of hiding,still limping slightly.  
  
“Casey’s pet skunk,” Nettie explained. “She raised him from a baby.”  
  
Casey giggled, picking up the skunk and giving its head a pat. The animal leaned into her hand, then wiggled slightly to be put down. Casey complied,carefully setting the skunk on the ground. The pet sniffed the air for a moment, then moved toward the woods, closely watched by the three men.  
  
As the animal disappeared out of sight, Vin rejoined Chris and Ezra, a sheepish expression on his face. “Prissy,” he muttered under his breath, trying to ignore the giggling still coming from the young girl, along with Nettie’s amusement at their reaction to the skunk.  
  
After taking a moment to regain their composure, which mainly consisted of Ezra straightening his cuffs, Chris adjusting his hat, and Vin trying to settle his frantically beating heart by taking a few deep breaths, the three men headed back over to the barn, prepared to resume work on the roof. This time, instead of Vin taking up the position on the roof, Chris motioned for the tracker to remain on the ground.  
  
"Might be safer that way," Larabee suggested with a laugh, ignoring the glare he received in return.  
  
Ezra found a comfortable position from which to watch, careful to maintain enough distance between himself and the mishap-ridden sharpshooter.  
  
"You boys ready for lunch?" Nettie asked, coming over with a tray in her hands. Smiling at their eager response, she waited until the men had found places to rest, then passed out fried chicken, glasses of lemonade and blueberry tarts.  
  
Finishing off his chicken and then washing down the tarts with the tangy lemonade, Vin found himself relaxing. With their work almost finished, and only a leisurely ride back to town awaiting them, surely nothing else could go wrong.  
  
"Got some spice cookies, too," Nettie offered. As Chris and Ezra both waved off her offer with thanks, Vin reached for a cookie, unable to resist. Mouth watering at the aroma, he stuffed not one, but two into his mouth. He chewed them slowly, savoring the taste, and accepted another one when Nettie held out the tray again.  
  
"Let's get back to work," Chris suggested.  
  
Vin emptied his glass, then followed Chris and Ezra back toward the barn, his hand coming up to scratch at his chest.  
  
Five minutes later, Vin couldn’t keep his mind on the task at hand. Unfastening his bandanna and opening his shirt, he was appalled to discover that his chest was covered with fiery red spots. Red spots that itched like the devil. Soaking his bandanna in the nearby water trough, he patted at the rash, hoping to soothe the burning sensation. It didn’t work. Instead, the water seemed to make the itching worse, and he let out a groan.  
  
Ezra’s, “Mr. Tanner, are you in need of assistance?” and Chris’s “What’s wrong?” came in unison.  
  
“I’m fine,” Vin sighed.  
  
“Good lord,” Ezra exclaimed, coming close enough to see the cause of Vin’s discomfort.  
  
“That looks like it hurts,” Chris offered, ignoring the roll of Vin’s eyes. “Nettie?”  
  
“No, I’m fine,” Vin insisted, closing his shirt before the older woman reached him.  
  
“Let me see, boy,” Nettie insisted, reaching for Vin. When he backed away, she gave him a look that could rival Chris’s glare. “You ain’t got nothing I ain’t seen before.”  
  
“Nettie.” She held her ground, refusing to back down, until he let out a sound that sounded remarkably like a whimper.  
  
“Come along, son.” Vin trailed Nettie toward the house, trying to ignore the snickering going on behind him. It didn’t work, and he suspected his cheeks were as red as the rash that adorned his chest.  
  
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say the man was cursed,” Chris said, shaking his head.  
  
Ezra nodded. “Stranger things have happened.”  
  
Chris waved toward the barn. “Let’s finish this up and head for home before anything else happens.”  
  
“Surely you jest.” Ezra tugged at his cuffs. “I was not meant for…“ His voice trailed off as he found himself the recipient of one of Chris’s lethal expressions. “I, uh, meant to say, I’d be more than willing to-“  
  
“Yeah, right,” Chris interrupted, giving the other man a slight push in the direction of the barn.  
  
“There’s no need for violence,” Ezra complained, picking up his pace and staying ahead of the gunslinger.

~~~~~~

Twenty minutes later, Vin rejoined the other two men, who were just completing the work on the barn’s roof. His cheeks still a bit red, he helped clean up the area, resisting the urge to scratch at his chest.  
  
“Nettie, you’re all set,” Chris called.  
  
Nettie joined them in front of the barn. “Thanks, boys,” she said. Looking at Vin, she directed, “You make sure you use that ointment I gave you.”  
  
“Yes, ma’am,” Vin said, giving the woman a small smile. Nodding at Casey, Tanner headed for his horse, followed by Chris and Ezra. It was time to go home.  
  
The three men rode steadily, glancing occasionally at the quickly darkening sky.  
  
“Looks like rain,” Chris commented, nudging his horse to move a little faster. Ezra followed suit beside him.  
  
Slightly behind the other men, Vin nodded his agreement just as the rain began to come down. Angling the brim of his hat a little lower to protect his eyes, Vin struggled to see more than a few feet in front of him. Luckily, the downpour only lasted a few minutes, and as the rain tapered off, Vin looked at the two men in front of him.  
  
He blinked. And then blinked again. While his own clothes were sopping wet, and water continued to drip down the back of his neck, Chris and Ezra were dry - bone dry - the storm having apparently missed them completely.  
  
“What the hell?”

 

 **Part 4**  

 

To their credit, Chris and Ezra were able to contain their mirth at the sight of their drenched friend.  Between them on the ground was a perfect line.  The side on which Vin sat was dark and rain soaked while Chris and Ezra’s was bone dry with wisps of dust beginning to swirl as the wind kicked up.

“What do you reckon are the odds of that happening?” Chris queried.

 “I would estimate, given the distance between us and Mr. Tanner and the pace set by our respective steeds that it would be approximately 1,358 to . . .” 

“Shut-up, Standish,” Vin growled, sufficiently silencing the man as he rode past the two, leaving a trail of drips in the dust behind him. 

Easily catching up, the two pulled up on either side of the incredibly miserable tracker. The wind had continued to build and while not overly cool, they knew that Vin, as wet as he was, had to be feeling the chill. 

“Mr. Tanner, your clothing is saturated; allow me to offer the use of my jacket for the remainder of the ride back to town,” Standish offered, slipping his arms from the plum colored jacket.

As Vin looked at the proffered jacket Chris and Ezra watched as a variety of emotions crossed his features. It was clear that the thought of something dry was very appealing, yet the thought of appearing in one of Ezra’s garments was holding him back. 

“I’s fine.”  The impact of Vin’s quick assurance was lessened remarkably by the loud sneeze that followed. 

“Don’t be stubborn, you’re soaked to the bone,” Chris prodded.

“Vin, I shall take no offense should you choose to remove it prior to our arrival in town,” Standish coaxed, understanding his dilemma.

The chilled man slipped into the jacket, relishing the warmth that still clung to it from Standish’s body heat. 

The men rode on in silence, the only sound an occasional sniffle or sneeze. 

After the third or fourth time Chris glanced at Vin and then turned away the tracker had had enough.  “If ya got something ta say, Cowboy, best just spit it out.”

“Did you hit your head when you fell from the roof at Nettie’s?  There’s a nasty bruise forming.”

“Nah, got that this morning when this blasted day started..  I shoulda just stayed in bed.” 

“Mr. Tanner, if you don’t mind.  What precisely was the precursor for this rather remarkable string of misfortune that seems to be pursuing your every step?”

“Dream.”

“ _Please_ do not inform me it had whatsoever to do with _crows_.  I cringe to think that Josiah’s feathered friends have made an appearance.” 

At that, even Vin had to smile thinking about how silly it sounded.  “Not crows, a medicine man dancing around a fire and a snake.”

“I think I prefer Josiah’s crows,” Chris chuckled.

“A big ol’ rattler going for my throat,” Vin continued, shaking his head, “Woke up with a start and hit my head on the wagon.  From there it’s been downhill all day.  If I was the superstitious type. . .” 

“Mr. Tanner, I think it best we keep the wanderings of your unconscious mind between the three of us.  Josiah _being_ the superstitious type . . . well, I think you see my point.” 

“Amen,” the other two chorused. 

~~~~~~~

Ezra’s plum jacket had been returned to him minutes before the three rode into town, after dark.  Vin’s obviously disheveled state was quite apparent to any who looked their way. 

JD and Buck, who had been sitting in front of the jail stood as the trio approached.  Hey, guys, how was Nettie?  Vin, what hap. . .”

Buck put JD into a headlock as Chris and Ezra, riding slightly behind Vin, waved their hands in an attempt to stop JD’s question.   “What the kid’s trying to say is, what happened when Casey realized he wasn’t along?  I think the boy’s sweet on the girl.”

JD caught on quickly and the two followed the men and horses to the livery.

Vin had dismounted and was pulling the wet saddle off as the horse shied away and moved willingly into its stall.  It almost appeared as if Peso were trying to distance himself from the tracker. 

Vin gave the skittish animal some hay and then reached for a bucket in order to fetch some water.  However, instead the whole shelf fell, its contents raining down on the resigned tracker as the others looked on in awe. 

“What say we go to the saloon for a beer?” Chris asked, knowing the man could use one. 

“Perhaps two . . . or four,” Ezra offered, and he helped pick up the odds and ends that littered the floor. 

“Uh, sorry, guys,” JD interrupted.  “There was a fight at the saloon earlier and Inez shut it down for the night.”

“Think I’ll call it a night,” Vin muttered as he squared his shoulders, mustering his pride and walked out into the night. 

The others moved into the doorway and watched as Vin limped his way to his wagon.  JD took a step as if to follow.

“Let him go.”  Chris watched as his friend climbed into the wagon with no further mishap.

“What happened?” Buck asked.

Chris and Ezra exchanged a glance as the day's events played over in their minds. “Mr. Tanner has experienced an . . . unfortunate series of events.”

Buck raised his hand,  “Don’t say any more, I think Nathan and Josiah are going to want to hear this one.”

 

~~~~~~~hours later~~~~~~~~

 

The drums beat a rhythmic cadence and the moccasin clad feet kept time as the shaman whirled and twisted around the fire, the rattlesnake tail rattle in his hand keeping a counter beat.  He watched in fascination as the shaman dropped the rattle and it was transformed into a defensively coiled snake, rattling ominously.  The venomous serpent suddenly struck, the pointed fangs closing on his throat...

Larabee sat up with a start, grabbed his gun and turned, prepared to pull the trigger . . . before falling out of bed and onto the hard wooden floor with a resounding thud.  The revolver went off, striking the ceiling and showering the renowned gunfighter in plaster dust.  “Ah, Hell.”

The End . . . or is it!

 


End file.
